
In light of my last post, I guess I feel a little more comfortable posting this piece, which I started writing a while back. It's about something I am well acquainted with; how lame it is when the family you come from is a hostile, fractured mess of people who have all basically given eachother the finger. It's also about how I am aware that there's a better way.
*****************************************************I don't think it's exaggerating to say there's pretty much nothing that can take the place of a loving, supportive extended family. I've seen it, and if there is something that brings me to the breaking point of sinful envy, it's this. It's a loving mother who comes over to take some of the burden off a postpartum daughter. It's a home cooked meal. It's someone who doesn't need to be paid to babysit. It's not having to decide if grandma's latest boyfriend should be asked not to attend a birthday party or if she's too stoned to be invited herself.
I am fortunate to have good friends and a good church. I can call one of my loving older women friends when I need to talk and occasionally ask for something. They tell me "call me anytime, sweetie." but let's face it, they are loyal to their blood relatives and I have never felt totally comfortable because their plates are already full. I get pushed down the list 100% of the time when it's between me and one their family members, but I'm not saying that to be bitter (even though I am) because
that's as it should be.
I would like to say more about what the benefits of coming from an in-tact, low-conflict family are, but I can only imagine and observe. I see it bringing comfort, peace, familiarity, strength, support, encouragement, wisdom, advice, a helping hand, a shoulder to cry on, someone to rejoice with, shared memories, inside jokes, shared traditions and loyalty. Friends are one thing but take it from someone who knows:
it's not the same.
As it is I have been cursed. Incidentally, I married someone who I have a lot in common with, which is good. One of the things we have in common is that we both come from depressing family situations though. This is not ideal since our son will never know what it's like to have grandparents who are married to eachother, for example, but the bright side is that Mike and I understand eachother in this way. Yes, it feels like a curse and it's hard to explain to well intentioned people who advise me to "get over it."
Mike and I are starting a new tradition. Our vision is to start fresh out of all the ugliness, selfishness, brokenness and hopelessness that we come from. We don't want Lil Red to walk around with a weight on his back like we do. No, life is not perfect for anyone but I don't think you can understand what it's like to come from what I did unless you've been there. I feel like I was thrown into this world, left on the side of the road somewhere, picked up by a crack-head and told for years that I better turn 18 soon because they were getting sick of me.
Lil Red, your dad and I want to see the light in your eyes that says "I have a family and there's so much love in our home."