Just because....

it's Friday. Lil Red sporting his latest haircut mommy gave him...



Tossing everything out of mommy's purse. Notice the feminine product flying through the air.



Ever since we moved, Lil Red wakes up every hour every night crying and won't stop until we put him in our bed. It produced this:


And this moment with daddy:

May I say, have you heard of J Vernon McGee?

Lately I have found that I really like listening to "Thru The Bible" with J Vernon McGee on the local Christian talk radio station. He has helped me to actually comprehend what I am reading in the Old Testament and even find significance as it relates to the world today.

I like his style. He's an old timer (born in 1904) who's very straightforward and makes complicated things easy to understand. He died over 20 years ago, but they still broadcast his radio programs which started in the 1960's. I find that I rarely have time to sit and attentively listen to an entire program but his programs are archived online so I hope to listen more.

He likes to say "May I say" a lot. I find that he's more interesting than mostly any young pastor with a goatee and fake tan that you may find these days. I just wanted to share that because my time in the Word has been more enjoyable lately because of this program. Has anyone else heard of J Vernon McGee?

P.S. Here are the lyrics to the song that plays at the start of each show. I have been singing this song to Lil Red in an "old timer" voice and he smiles.

How Firm a Foundation

attr. to John Keith, pub.1787

How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord,
Is laid for your faith in His excellent word!
What more can He say than to you He hath said—
To you who for refuge to Jesus have fled?“

Fear not, I am with thee, oh, be not dismayed,
For I am thy God, and will still give thee aid;
I’ll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
Upheld by My gracious, omnipotent hand.“

When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of sorrow shall not overflow;
For I will be with thee thy trouble to bless,
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.

“When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
My grace, all-sufficient, shall be thy supply;
The flame shall not harm thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.

“The soul that on Jesus doth lean for repose,
I will not, I will not, desert to his foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I’ll never, no never, no never forsake.”

Multi-generational support

In light of my last post, I guess I feel a little more comfortable posting this piece, which I started writing a while back. It's about something I am well acquainted with; how lame it is when the family you come from is a hostile, fractured mess of people who have all basically given eachother the finger. It's also about how I am aware that there's a better way.

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I don't think it's exaggerating to say there's pretty much nothing that can take the place of a loving, supportive extended family. I've seen it, and if there is something that brings me to the breaking point of sinful envy, it's this. It's a loving mother who comes over to take some of the burden off a postpartum daughter. It's a home cooked meal. It's someone who doesn't need to be paid to babysit. It's not having to decide if grandma's latest boyfriend should be asked not to attend a birthday party or if she's too stoned to be invited herself.

I am fortunate to have good friends and a good church. I can call one of my loving older women friends when I need to talk and occasionally ask for something. They tell me "call me anytime, sweetie." but let's face it, they are loyal to their blood relatives and I have never felt totally comfortable because their plates are already full. I get pushed down the list 100% of the time when it's between me and one their family members, but I'm not saying that to be bitter (even though I am) because that's as it should be.

I would like to say more about what the benefits of coming from an in-tact, low-conflict family are, but I can only imagine and observe. I see it bringing comfort, peace, familiarity, strength, support, encouragement, wisdom, advice, a helping hand, a shoulder to cry on, someone to rejoice with, shared memories, inside jokes, shared traditions and loyalty. Friends are one thing but take it from someone who knows: it's not the same.

As it is I have been cursed. Incidentally, I married someone who I have a lot in common with, which is good. One of the things we have in common is that we both come from depressing family situations though. This is not ideal since our son will never know what it's like to have grandparents who are married to eachother, for example, but the bright side is that Mike and I understand eachother in this way. Yes, it feels like a curse and it's hard to explain to well intentioned people who advise me to "get over it."

Mike and I are starting a new tradition. Our vision is to start fresh out of all the ugliness, selfishness, brokenness and hopelessness that we come from. We don't want Lil Red to walk around with a weight on his back like we do. No, life is not perfect for anyone but I don't think you can understand what it's like to come from what I did unless you've been there. I feel like I was thrown into this world, left on the side of the road somewhere, picked up by a crack-head and told for years that I better turn 18 soon because they were getting sick of me.

Lil Red, your dad and I want to see the light in your eyes that says "I have a family and there's so much love in our home."

Burn after reading

This has been heavy on my heart off and on for years. If you are a longtime reader to this blog and the defunct old blog, you may know some pieces of sobering information about my childhood. The reason I don't say anything now is because I was told by someone who is supposedly right about everything (Dr. Laura) that I have no business discussing anything, publicly, about people who are still alive. Yes, I was one of those callers to her show that got chewed out.

ANYWAY, you may or may not (probably not) know that one of my close family members threatened to sue me for slander over some information on my old blog, not Home Girl but a Vox blog before that. This information was all true but I wanted to be the bigger person and simply deleted it as to avoid an inane law suite.

Part of me feels like I am being held prisoner. There are things that happened in my childhood that are very uncomfortable for most people to hear (or read) about just because of how unpleasant they are. As you might imagine, the people who are still alive and were involved in these things would like, more than anyone, for me to shut up about it. In a sense I can understand that because, having acknowledged my status as a sinful human, I have no shortage of hurts that I've done to others. I can imagine it's not the most enjoyable thing to have someone discuss some of my worst offenses.

But here I am almost totally unable to share about my childhood because there's almost no way to do it without explaining the context in which it took place, and that context is ugly. I feel like it's easy for some people to dole out advice about not making anyone look bad but it's adding insult to injury when you've been traumatized and then made to be silent. I am not perfect. I freely acknowledge that I am not totally over my bitterness. But how do you work something out if you're pressured into keeping silent about it? Let me add that working through it is not my only desire. Obviously I have overcome a lot. I lead a relatively decent and functional life considering all these crazy things I've experienced. Is that not a glory to the Savior?

I can't afford a counselor. I'd like to discuss it on my blog. Sometimes writing and getting feedback is therapeutic, especially when there is an outside perspective offered. But I am open to the possibility that I'll have to keep quiet about it.

Do you have any thoughts about this?

Right & Left vs. Right & Wrong

I almost never talk politics on this blog. The reason is not because I don't care but because I have limited time to blog. Faith, family and personal challenges are always more important to me. Personally, it seems to come down to ungodliness, plain and simple. High taxes, bloated programs, race baiting, over-complicatedness, reckless spending...I am not opposed to considering that God is harshly judging this country at this time by allowing all these crazy people to ruin everything the founding fathers stood for. Another reason I don't like to talk politics is because I don't like debating. Lots of people have better tricks up their sleeve than me.

I have been known to listen to my fair share of conservative talk radio though. Being that I haven't ever subscribed to cable, (and that we no longer own a tv...another story) the radio is where I get my piece of the action. The main show I have listened to is Michael Medved (conservative/ republican, former liberal, Jewish commentator on "pop culture and politics") but the past few months I have been really sucked into the Glen Beck program, largely because he's funny and also because he doesn't give republicans a free pass, that gets old, does it not?

But the more I've taken an interest in viewing the world around me from a biblical perspective, the more it's become clear that there's probably a need for pause in getting caught up in what Glenn Beck, Medved and the rest are saying. I'm not sure right now whether I need to give up my radio shows or not but I know that it can't hurt to consider some things. It seems like despite their differences these guys all seem to have in common the idea that faith is as good as what it helps you to do in life...and I'm quite sure that's not what Jesus taught.

The commentators who seem to say what we're thinking often appeal to our flesh, do they not? They often represent what could be described as the opposite of true Christian faith; morality on it's own. The wisdom for each dilemma simply comes from who's sharp enough, not who's Godly. They might or might not be Godly, I don't know each of their hearts. It's just that frankly, I am tired of people who think being smart is the end all, be all. Seems to me like the whole current obsession with intelligence has led to people being educated out of a brain anyway. That could describe many people in the government.

If a child misbehaves by accident...

it's OK...even if they kick an 8 month old baby in the face, right?

In case there is any confusion, I say this with extreme sarcasm. Whoever does not believe that foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child (Proverbs 22:15) might not have ever been to a playground.

Yesterday Lil Red was kicked in the face by a girl of about 4 or 5 years old because his face happened to be in the way of something she wanted to do. She proceeded to ignore what just took place and her dad, who happened to be very close by, half-heartedly told her to apologize. She ignored him and he did nothing. As upset as I was I wondered if I might accidentally kick this man in his face but I didn't and as we were leaving I just told him that he needs to tell his daughter not to kick little babies in the face. He said "She didn't mean to." and I said "She didn't mean to but she did." I left after that. Perhaps I could have said something more meaningful but I guess I was too flustered.

She didn't mean to. What is that? If you crash into someone while drunk driving and kill their passengers would you tell them "I didn't mean to?" I know it's a more serious situation but that's where this type of thinking leads. Kids grow up with the idea that they can do whatever they feel like doing. Then that darn sin thing kicks in and when the doo-doo hits the fan they say "I didn't mean to."

I understand that there are legitimate mistakes, like the skilled, responsible surgeon who had every intention of saving a life that day. But I guess intention is what it's all about. That girl had no intention of being careful enough to avoid kicking a baby in the face and her dad had no intention of providing consequences for her careless behavior. She got to go on playing like nothing happened.

Am I being harsh? Is a 4 year old to young to know not to throw her foot around when a baby's face is right there? I don't think so. If Lil Red kicks a baby in the face when he's 4 years old, we are leaving the playground immediately and having a training session. By the way, now that we are just beginning to enter the playground phase I have been rudely awakened to the sin nature of children, that's all I'll say for now.

I'd like to hear your thoughts if you have any. What would you do if you were me? What would you do if you were the parent of that girl?

Side poll: being called "ma'am"

This poll is very new but so far everyone has voted that they like being called ma'am!

This is interesting to me as I must admit... I totally hate it. It makes me feel old, and the word just sounds nasally and obnoxious when it comes out of anyone's mouth. Usually it's anyone who works in a store that calls me "ma'am". I guess I started hating it because people started calling me it when I was 21 or so and I did not feel like a "ma'am". I also think it's just weird when people who are older than me call me "ma'am". What happened to being called "miss"? I am 29 and married now and I think my window of opportunity for being called "miss" is closing but I wish people would take that opportunity to not make me feel like I'm 90.

I am OK with small children calling me "ma'am" but that's about it. I don't know, maybe I am just immature but that's how I feel about that. Any thoughts?