it's OK...even if they kick an 8 month old baby in the face, right?
In case there is any confusion, I say this with extreme sarcasm. Whoever does not believe that foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child (Proverbs 22:15) might not have ever been to a playground.
Yesterday Lil Red was kicked in the face by a girl of about 4 or 5 years old because his face happened to be in the way of something she wanted to do. She proceeded to ignore what just took place and her dad, who happened to be very close by, half-heartedly told her to apologize. She ignored him and he did nothing. As upset as I was I wondered if I might accidentally kick this man in his face but I didn't and as we were leaving I just told him that he needs to tell his daughter not to kick little babies in the face. He said "She didn't mean to." and I said "She didn't mean to but she did." I left after that. Perhaps I could have said something more meaningful but I guess I was too flustered.
She didn't mean to. What is that? If you crash into someone while drunk driving and kill their passengers would you tell them "I didn't mean to?" I know it's a more serious situation but that's where this type of thinking leads. Kids grow up with the idea that they can do whatever they feel like doing. Then that darn sin thing kicks in and when the doo-doo hits the fan they say "I didn't mean to."
I understand that there are legitimate mistakes, like the skilled, responsible surgeon who had every intention of saving a life that day. But I guess intention is what it's all about. That girl had no intention of being careful enough to avoid kicking a baby in the face and her dad had no intention of providing consequences for her careless behavior. She got to go on playing like nothing happened.
Am I being harsh? Is a 4 year old to young to know not to throw her foot around when a baby's face is right there? I don't think so. If Lil Red kicks a baby in the face when he's 4 years old, we are leaving the playground immediately and having a training session. By the way, now that we are just beginning to enter the playground phase I have been rudely awakened to the sin nature of children, that's all I'll say for now.
I'd like to hear your thoughts if you have any. What would you do if you were me? What would you do if you were the parent of that girl?
Monday, July 13, 2009
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14 comments:
I hear you, honey! Sometimes the parent needs the spanking! I was just talking to some of my friends yesterday and one of my friends was picking strawberries with her children and there were a 3 and a 5 year old near by kicking sand around. My friend told the children not to kick sand anymore. The mother of the children said, kind of under her breath, "Good luck getting them to stop." Excuse me! This mother had already given up training her children at 3 and 5 years of age!
The father should have made that little girl stop and apologize even if she didn't mean it. I don't know what else you could have done since she wasn't your child. If I were the parent of the girl I would have made her apologize and perhaps made her leave the playground, at least for awhile. People care so little for the feelings and lives of others.
Oh poor Lil Red! And poor you! Good for you for saying something to the other Dad.
I think the problem is not so much the actual kicking - unfortunately, four year olds occasionally have accidents. The problem is 1) when she hurt another child, however accidentally, she wasn't upset. Her reaction, even at 4, should be to immediately apologise and ask if the baby is ok. And 2) when she failed to do this (and she is only 4, so it's not TOO surprising - 4 year olds have bad days) her father didn't immediately correct her. He's the one who really screwed up here. He should have been watching her closely, and the minute this happened, guided her to apologise and spoken to you to check that poor Lil Red was okay.
I'd love to give him the benefit of the doubt and say maybe he was watching another kid of his, and didn't see the incident and didn't realise all that went on... but it sounds like he was just oblivious and a jerk.
Poor you! You handled it perfectly though.
I completely agree with you! I would have been incredibly flustered too! Parents don't care about parenting. Children are a great example of the fact that we are not only born into sin but unable to choose the right things by ourselves.
I'm sorry for the two of you! I hope your son is alright. Thanks for sharing your story.
I have two little girls close in age. I deal with similar situations daily between them. Sometimes the hit/kick is intentional, sometimes it was pure accident. The degree to which I punish the offender is different, but the idea is the same. The offender is taken aside, told what they did was wrong and why. Then they are told to apologize, kiss & hug, and play nice. A second offense gets them taken out of the room. Never do I ignore the action and just shrug my shoulders. Intention is important, but hurting someone on accident still deserves acknowledgement and apology. Kids are naturally self-centered. If we don't teach them to think of others, they won't ever.
-Jen
I could sort of see the dad's attitude IF you had been doing things like encouraging li'l Red to put his face near the bottom of the slide (and acted surprised when he got hit), helping him stand in the way of the swings when much older children are using them, or making a game out of jumping in front of rolling bicycles.
I've seen some parents do this (usually through consistent inaction!) and usually I just let the other parent puff away about apoligies, yeah, whatever... but not say, "You need to watch your kid, lady, because this is starting to be YOUR fault." Because people like that never listen anyway. And honestly? There's the idea that if you have an 8 month old, and you see a large group of 13-year-olds running around the park and acting rough, that you choose to come back another day and not put yourself into that position.
I'm guessing that is not the case here, though, because you seem to have a brain in your head. Common sense and all that, too. :]
So I'm going to surmise this was just a careless little girl who will be driving in 12 years under the watchful eye of her loving dad. Yikes.
Mrs. C, I guess I was assuming everyone knew I used common sense but FYI it was in one of those mall playgrounds with the soft play structures.
The thing Lil Red was playing in was a boat obviously designed for children under 2 because that's the only size child that could fit in it, but said girl just had to climb all over it and throw her legs around to do so.
I have given some thought to which play environments I allow Lil Red to be in at this point and I will definitely use discernment.
I was sure you HAD used common sense, but you'd be surprised how often it is NOT used by parents. Oh! And those soft play structures are so fun. :]
I'm entirely okay with blaming the parent. His responsibility is to be thinking ahead enough to see that A)she is too big for something and B)that special care ought to be taken if a smaller child is present. And since an incident did occur it is his role to see that a sincere apology and consequence are offered.
But then, I find that as I get older and see so many poor behaviours from both kids and parents I find my tolerance level lowering. One day in the not so distant future I'll be the grumpy old bag in curlers shaking my fist at the neighbourhood youth.
LOL Angelique, let's get our curler and housecoats and go to the playground!
Even a 2 year old can be taught to look out for others. Oh the joys of conflicting parenting practices!
Frankly, I think you handled it well, Catherine. I have been in your situation here & there when my children were little (and, I might add, on the other side as well....when I had to have MY child apologize for careless behavior concerning another child!). IMO, there is no excuse for parents overlooking situations where another child is hurt. Intentional or no, someone is just as hurt! Life isn't easy for any of us, & the father who refused to reprimand his little girl is just setting her up for difficulties later on....unfortunately, to the detriment of us all. Sigh.
Brenda
Catherine,
Personally, I think the parent should have done more to have the child understand that it's not appropriate to kick young children in the face. I personally can't excuse this type of behavior, yet I've seen this kind of "oh whatever" attitude a lot in parents during my days working in childcare. These are the same parents who will "blow a fuse" if someone "hurts or manes" their child, but if their child does it to another child, it some how goes "un-noticed."
I also think you reacted in a way that showed the parent that you were not pleased with his daughters actions yet, you didn't get "fly off the handle" mad at the parent, which would probably have made things escalate into something very bad. I think I would have done the same, but on the inside, I would probably want to pummel parent for having such a "oh whatever" attitude, as well as give that little girl a lesson in consideration for others.
All that said, I hope that you and Little Red are okay.
I hear, "I didn't mean to" A LOT from my youngest, especially. I choose to believe her, (even when I don't really) but the firm retort is always, "Well, you had better mean *not* to from now on."
I've always been amazed by the inherent protectiveness that children seem to have for babies and toddlers. If you found one who so carelessly kicked Red in the face, you found a troublesome (and troubled) kid, for sure.
You are right here! I have trained my boys from a very young age how to treat people. If you don't, they won't ever learn this skill! My boys, at age 4 and 6 already know without being told to watch out for kids younger than them, to hold doors open for ladies (and girls their age), and some basic manners. They mess up sometimes, but are quick to appologize. This is a basic skill set that is disappearing, which makes me sad. Good for you for standing up for your son!
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